It’s easy to get lost in the details and scared to get lost in the moment when you find yourself looking for a destination before you have began the journey… If that sounds cryptic, what I am trying to say is I lost my way and reasoning for doing what I love just for the fun of it.

In the society we live in it seems that everything you do is expected to be perfect, viral or innovative. As a 24 year old who has my life ahead of me I felt like I was running out of time, I wasn’t working hard enough and I was ultimately failing.

Somewhere along the lines of peer pressure and many external opinions I turned my hobby into a professional small business and when I’d sit down to paint I would have an internal debate about the content I was creating.

Was it good enough to make a profit? What did it mean? Did it have a purpose? Was it popular or on trend? Is it what people wanted to see? How would I ship it? What keywords would I use to market it? Who is my target audience?

And if I managed to get over those mental hurdles and decide to put paint to paper i’d then make it more work than it needed to be…

”It must be a time lapse video or there is no proof you done it. It has to be a tiktok, reel, story, highlight or it wont get views or likes or comments.”

If I did battle my demons to create i’d then decide… it was not good enough.

Stress took it’s toll and as a result of the pressure put on my paintbrush over time it broke. I stopped painting, stopped posting and stopped networking. My mental and physical health was declining.

This so called creative block, career break or holiday was not as restorative as i’d hoped because I crashed my car, quit my job, moved house and had major spinal surgery but I also took the time to realise I need to slow down and get lost in the moment. Not everything I do needs to be ticked off a list or added to a resume and that is okay. I can be selfish and do things just for me and that is what I intend to do.

I pledge to my future self that I will be creating for me and sharing with you in the hopes to heal my creative passions and feel at home again.

I will be changing my internal dialogue and asking myself…

Is it good enough for me? Do I like it? Do I want to do it? Does it excite me? Do I want to sell it?

and I am hoping this will encourage me to start doing things for the right reasons again.

It’s been a hard 8+ months but we have made it here so we can make it anywhere.

– Chloe